50 Purchases From the Goblin Market

1. Creature which resembles a telepathic and prehensile wig. It feeds on dandruff.

2. Rag doll which is legally your firstborn child.

3. Goblin coins. Indistinguishable from the real thing except that they have the taste and melting point of chocolate.

4. A foul breeze. The smell is intense enough to cause nausea; it has the personality of a very dumb and very loyal dog.

5. The deed to a bridge, location unspecified.

6. Goblin fruit. Sort of a carrot-ish potato pumpkin thing. If you eat the seeds they start growing in your stomach.

7. An evil kitten.

8. Broken shards of mirror-glass. If you're cut by one you have to put your hands on your head and hop in a circle or it's seven years of bad luck.

9. Stepladder cursed to fail you when you need it most.

10. A homunculus. Knee-height, will follow orders if they're written on a piece of paper and fed to him. Contradictory instructions cause indigestion.

11. Use of a magic chariot for seven days and seven nights. On the eighth day it breaks free of all earthly ties and flies into the sun.

12. An unbreakable, unfoolable, unopenable lock.

13. A witch's iron eyeteeth. Wickedly sharp, rattle alarmingly in the presence of bad juju.

14. Coin that always lands on its edge.

15. Novelization of your life up to this moment. The sequel was critically panned and is no longer in print.

16. A stolen bicycle.

17. Cardboard box which holds a very small and gullible angel.

18. Turkish delight.

19. A reanimated snake skull. Very bitey.

20. A perfect skipping stone.

21. Lava lamp with real molten rock inside.

22. Rubber bugs that come to life when you take them out of the tube.

23. A flaming axe, but the handle ignites instead of the blade.

24. Loaf of bread containing three rocks, a razorblade, and a spider.

25. Dead phoenix wrapped in a fire blanket.

26. Loom that weaves gold into straw.

27. A lemon.

28. Realistic fascimille of your own severed head.

29. Matchsticks which produce lots of oily smoke but no flame.

30. Fisheye paint. Distorts the apparent proportions of anything covered with it; has no effect on color.

31. Two-dimensional sword. Very sharp, very brittle, difficult to hold without losing fingers.

32. An ant farm with tunnels shaped like letters. The ants claim to be superhumanly intelligent, want out of the box.

33. Certificate of marriage to Old Man Winter.

34. An eleventh finger.

35. Parrot with an encyclopedic knowledge of swear words.

36. Divisibility cloak. Allows its wearer to harmlessly detach and reattach limbs.

37. A spell whose only function is to remove itself from the caster's memory.

38. Glowstick that emits gamma radiation.

39. Fake vampire teeth that give you the ability to heal by drinking blood. After each use, save or develop a dependence.

40. Scrap of paper which describes your worst enemy's worst sin.

41. A haunted dollhouse.

42. Paper-mache gorgon mask.

43. Indelible ink. Can't be erased, washed off, written over, or scraped away.

44. Bucket of holding filled with 64 cubic feet of molasses.

45. Magnificient robes struck by a curse of selective visibility.

46. A chitinous violin. It can play insect noises (crickets, cicadas, etc) but not any human music.

47. Talking lockpicks. Rude, judgemental, will briefly scream in pain if broken.

48. Violently explosive bubblegum.

49. Nutshell containing an infinitely spacious pocket dimension.

50. Canopic thimbles housing the mummified organs of a pixie queen.

1d20 Invisible Planets

 1. The vulture moon. Circles buzzard-like beneath the horizon and feeds on ghosts. Will trade you the thing you want most for the thing you most need.

2. A gas giant that's slightly out of phase with the known universe, detectable only by the manner in which its gravity distorts other orbits.

3. A star-cinder: It fell into the sea and guttered out. On stormy nights the leviathans dredge its corpse back up and parade it through the western sky.

4. A puzzle-box of planetary scale, now disassembled. The pieces were buried in nearby moons.

5. Hyperhyperborea: An ice giant visible to stargazers only in the uttermost north. It wobbles between past and future pole-stars, carrying the details of their conspiracy to overthrow Polaris.

6. A boltzmann planet that exists for an instant at a time, appearing and discorporating far too quickly to be seen.

7. Chiraldia: A planet made of frozen mercury that only exists in mirrors. To set foot there is to trade places with your reflection.

8. A comet formed from ice so pure and clear that it is undetectable to the naked eye.

9. Euryale: A dim, faraway planet that tutors witches and transforms infants born under its auspices into monsters. Astronomers who examine it too obviously or for too long tend to die in their sleep.

10. A rocky planet that is sending a message in morse code by varying its albedo. This operation is taking place on a geological time scale; the periods of darkness between dots and dashes last centuries.

11. Aculeata: A star that emits no visible light, but which is terrifically bright in the ultraviolet, such that its focused attention can cause sunburns and blindness. Believed to have made an ancient pact with bees.

12. A nameless, ruined world, inhabited only by a starving god. All thought that references it is devoured.

13. The planet that would exist in place of Mars, if a butterfly had flapped its wings five billion years ago. It houses a thriving post-scarcity civilization, observable only through a prism that refracts possibilities.

14. Rorschach: A black moon that creeps through the spaces between stars. People hold impromptu masquerades when it is high in the sky.

15. Passerine: A magnetic planetoid that the Earth swallowed whole in a fit of youthful hunger. When its strength waxes it takes control of birds and forces them to fly straight upwards until they die of exhaustion.

16. A star that wears a veil of dust to hide its beauty. Poets spend months training telescopes on its region of space, hoping that the rings and nebulae will part to afford them a glimpse of its splendor.

17. Chfled: A moon that shines in hell. It illuminates the crossroads and graveyards where devils work, and is seen most clearly by the hubristic, the foolish, and the desperate.

18. Meinong: A planet populated exclusively by impossible things. If something is done for the first time elsewhere, the version of it that exists on Meinong disappears: ergo, it might emerge from hiding if someone were ever to invent a whole-planet invisibility cloak.

19. A star that makes noise instead of light. On quiet nights you can hear it mumbling.

20. Skynest: A rogue planet steered through space by a species of telepathic moths. It stands behind the sun, waiting for the latest generation to emerge from their chrysalises so that they can disassemble and archive the Earth.